Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
