I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
