hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
