I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
