I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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