I feel like abortions should bother me more
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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