Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
