I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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