I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize