Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
