Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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