Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
