Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
