my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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