Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
