This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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