I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
