Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
