I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
