Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
