They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
