Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize