she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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