the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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