Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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