Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
