grandma shit on top of the toilet
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He did a backflip because drugs
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