she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm both gender and math confused
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
