I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The adults are the big ones right?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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