we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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