But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
