I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
