you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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