Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
