I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
