The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
