Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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