I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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