shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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