i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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