She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
