oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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