yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
