I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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