Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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