just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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