You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
