No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
