I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize