You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
