i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
