We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
