I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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