Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You made out with two different species that night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
