you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
