im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
