Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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