She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
