My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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