i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
