An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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