In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
