i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
