yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
