it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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