I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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