ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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