I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
