4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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