Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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