I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you would pick up someone in the library
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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