Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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