Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
