I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
