so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
