and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
