Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
