I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize