Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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