I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
