Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just tell him i said nine months
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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