I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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