I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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