I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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