There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
