Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
