her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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