This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
