Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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