i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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