Apparently you make a good broom.
...so i touched it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize