whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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