Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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