It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The best revenge is premature balding
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
